Why do so many of my posts involve the word "penis"?

As I stood at the kitchen sink this afternoon, straining the mac-and-cheese twisty pasta I had just concocted for lunch, a very perplexed voice from the living room called my name:

"Momma?"

"Yes, Aves?"

"Are there any humans with four penises?"

(stopping mid-macaroni-strain to try and contemplate what on Earth she had just asked me, and more importantly... why.) "Ummmm, no honey. As far as I know, humans have just one.... why?"

"Well, because cows have four penises, Momma!"

"No honey, I'm pretty sure cows have just one also," I tell her as I haphazardly begin to stir the milk and cheese into the pasta pot.

"No Momma, they really do! (giggling) They really do have four penises. And it looks pretty funny! Come see!" 

In this moment, I am absolutely terrified. Terrified  to turn my head towards the living room TV and see the horror of what animalistic porno her poor, preschooler eyes have stumbled upon whilst I cooked her lunch in the kitchen.

Slowly, I rest the pasta spoon on the counter, and make my way into the living room. Before I see just what she is watching, I can see the Nick, Jr. logo on the bottom of the screen, and am at least relieved that she is watching a Momma-authorized channel. Phew.

And then, I stop dead in my tracks, and my eyes are immediately fixed upon the following image she has so graciously paused on the TV:






"See Momma? FOUR penises! Isn't that so silly! A-ha-hahahaha!!!"

And in conclusion, I'd publicly like to thank Nickelodeon's "Back at the Barn Yard" for thoroughly confusing my daughter about the male cow's anatomy & capabilities.