Adios Amana

So as it turns out, the yucky, brown, wet stuff that's been leaking from our fridge intermittently for the past 5 years is, in fact, freon. Oops, guess we shouldn't have let that go as long as we did, especially considering the health risks posed to children. (And especially since the whole bottom "grill" of the fridge broke off years ago, exposing all of that yucky gunk.)
Now for those of you who have never had the honor of meeting our fridge Amana 18, let me describe this 'beaut to you....Picture an almond colored refrigerator...now add WOOD paneling (yes, that's right, I said it- WOOD paneling....and as an aside, did Amana think they were manufacturing a station wagon? Really, who puts paneling on an appliance?? I digress...). Now add a conspicuous growling noise that comes and goes, a strange trash smell (despite boxes of Baking Soda & a neurotic housewife who disinfects the thing from top to bottom weekly), and a freezer that only freezes when it wants to. This, my friends, is what we've used for 6 years now, mostly because it came with the house and we couldn't justify purchasing a new one when this beast was still (sort of) running.
Well today was a very big turning point for the Amana & us. Jeff & I have had many lengthy conversations over the past few years about how old she might be, since we've had no actual way of knowing for sure. We always guessed maybe 12, 15, 17 years tops. We would share the obligatory Austin Powers moment, "Who has an 18 year old fridge- Honestly?!?" then chuckle about it and ultimately disregard it as "not the most pressing thing financially to deal with." Well today, after the 582nd time I incurred "wet sock" after stepping in a puddle of brown moisture at the base of the fridge, I decided to do something we haven't done in 6 years: Call the company.
So I call Amana (who incidentally is now owned by Whirlpool), and speak to a friendly guy with a Minn-eh-sew-ter accent named Larry, asking him if there is any way he can date a fridge for me. He replies that he only dates women, and we share a brief chuckle about this. He then tells me that indeed he can help me figure out the age of the fridge, and asks me to read him thr 12 digit serial number on the inside door. So I open her up (creeeeeeeeak), and proceed to tell Larry:
"AJ825..."
But he cuts me off abruptly.
"You must be looking at the wrong thing, the number I need is all numbers, no letters."
I politely explain that this it the ONLY thing written inside my fridge door.
"Oh, geez, really?" Larry asks... "Wow, that thing's gotta be atleast 15 years old then, since everything we manufactured after 1995 had a 12 digit serial number containing no letters...Let me go grab the binder."
So Larry puts me on hold, and when he picks the phone back up, I do hear an actual thud, confirming that he did indeed go someplace and retrieve this mystery binder.
"Okay," Larry says, "try that number code again. Sometimes, the real old ones are in here, since they never made it into our computer database."
I start to get a little nervous...
Once I read him the letter/number combination, he pauses for a good 15 seconds and says, "Wow, you are not going to believe this--that fridge was manufactured between June 1981 and July 1982!! That thing shoulda died back around 1996! I can't believe it's still running!"
"Well, now that you mention it," I embarrassingly remark, "...we've been having some leaking around the bottom-- mostly brownish stuff, do you know anything about that?"
"Oh no," Larry says, concerned. "That's probably the rotted remains of the freon line. Those lines, back then, were only built to last 15 years, 18 at the very most...you're gonna need to replace that fridge as soon as possible!"
Now on the one hand, this is music to my ears; I am instantly carried into a daydream involving a whole, 8-hour, child-less day of frolicking around Home Depot, Lowe's, and Sears...opening lots of variations of fridges, inhaling the "new fridge" smell, and finally deciding upon a beautiful, updated stainless steel one complete with French doors, an ice maker(!), in-door water accessibility, bottom freezer, and-- dare I say it- no paneling!
But the budget-conscious side of me quickly realizes that there actually could not be worse timing for this fridge-mergency, considering that on Christmas eve of this year, our hot water heater decided to call it a day, rendering us $1500 in the hole.
I thank Larry for his helpfulness, and before we part ways he gives me the website of the Dept. of Energy, who offers rebates towards the purchase of energy efficient appliances and free removal of old dinosaurs like Amana 18.
All in all, it certainly is a shock to find out that my fridge & I are the same exact age. Yikes!

Amana 18, you have been (sort of) good while you lasted, but it's time for you to go. You have officially lasted almost 2 decades past your life expectancy, so you should feel very proud of yourself. I might actually miss your annoying but familiar rumbles, creaks, and growls when you are replaced with a silent, efficient super-fridge. We wish you the best of luck in the future (which will undoubtedly be filled with recycling every square inch of your materials), and hope that you will someday understand that this decision wasn't a personal one at all; But when we are advised that rotting freon line is leaking and rising into the air where our children run & play, our hands are tied. Close your eyes, sweet girl, and go join your fellow 80's fridges in wood-paneled appliance heaven. They've only been waiting for you for, like, 16 years.