Screw you, latissimus dorsi

Who ever would have known that pulling a back muscle and pinching a major nerve would be so debilitating? As in, completely-out-of-commission, your husband has to re-reschedule his work trip, can't lift your 7-month old son, can't even lift a glass of water, out-of-commission?

It all started Monday. My frantic day. Get everyone up/dressed/out the door by 8:30, get Aves to school, run misc. household errands, pick her up from school, grab lunch, run to ballet, change her into ballet attire, home by 3:30pm. Well since lunch went a little longer than expected, we got to ballet late and as I was rushing to help her into her leotard, the baby started flailing in his car seat... and as I jerked my upper body to grab him....PING. And a pop. And the most excruciating, tingling, stabbing pain ever to have existed in my body.

That is the only/best way I can describe it. Like a massive rubber band was stretched 100 times past its maximun capacity and just exploded. I choked back the tears, asked the other moms to keep an eye on Gav for me, and crawled (literally) into the dance studio office to use their phone. Thank GOD I was able to get in touch with the hubby before he was on the plane to leave for the week, told him what happened, and begged him to re-schedule his flight for the next morning so that I could be seen at the walk-in clinic that night.  I apologized to him profusely, reminding him repeatedly that "I know this is not good timing" but that something was definitely wrong here.

With help to the car, (I couldn't lift the diaper bag/Ava's ballet bag/and obviously not the baby in his car seat), I barely made it home driving with the kiddos. Jeff met us there and about ten minutes later, it was off to the clinic.  Given the amount of pain I was in and that I could barely stand up, I was called in right away.  Nurses came in, took my vitals, and before I knew it everything was a whirlwind of laying me down in the hospital bed, oxygen masks, and "we need you to relax and take some deep breaths for us..."

Completely bewildered I asked "What the heck is going on!? It is my BACK that hurts, why do I need oxygen?!"  The nurses kept answering me with "stay calm and try to breathe."

Next thing I know I am at Radiology for a chest X-ray....what?!  I try explaining to the technician that I must be here for the wrong reason, it is my BACK that is in pain, not my chest.

At least the X-ray tech gave me an answer:  "Your saturation levels were low-- 82 to be exact, which means that you are not getting enough oxygen. We need to make sure everything is okay with your lungs."

So off I go for my second X-ray in 7 days, fully convinced that the radiation is going to kill me.  Swell.

Back upstairs to see the Dr., who reports that my lungs look fine but that my oxygen levels are still low. He asks me if I feel shortness of breath and I tell him yes, since the muscle spasms are so bad, I am unable to take a deep breath.  He writes me perscriptions for a muscle relaxer and a heavy-duty pain med and tells me that I will be "as good as dead" to my kids while on this stuff and to enlist full-time help until Friday.

I chuckle to myself, and tell Doc that of all weeks for this to have occurred, the hubby needs to be on a plane tomorrow for DC for the remainder of the week. Doc responds with: 

"Listen, I get it- the whole, he's the breadwinner, you stay home with the kids, dynamic. Believe me, I get it. And although this may not be classified as a life-threatening emergency, it is definitely a medical crisis. You CANNOT be home alone with your kiddos while on these meds, and unfortunately you need to be on them religiously to help the pinched nerve and pulled muscles relax and stop spasm-ing...So do what you need to do, but you are going to need to rely heavily on the help of others this week."


Fan-freaking-tastic. Of ALL WEEKS....this can't be happening right now.  I am annoyed, stressed out, and in the most physical agony I've ever been in, (next to chidbirth).

Once home, Jeff & I decide to enlist help for Tuesday at least and call my Mom who agrees to call in sick the next day to help us out. (Thank you Mom). Jeff leaves at 4am for a flight out that morning, and my Mom mans the fort ALL DAY with both kids. I am impressed as I listen to their day full of laughter and- no tears (?!)- from my bedroom.  She stays until 11pm, and Jeff gets home around midnight.

When Jeff walks in the door he is tired beyond any amount of exhaustion humanly possible, since he has been up for 21 hours straight at this point, and he still has a few hours of work to catch up on.  Off to bed I go with the help of my friends, muscle relaxer and Vicodin, and before I know it, morning has come and another day of agony for my back. (this is confirmed as I try and sit up).  Jeff gets Ava to school (an hour late--oops) and takes the baby to the office with him for a couple of hours to get a few things done. The remainder of the day, I spend in bed and off to another Dr. appointment to make sure that there is nothing more that can be done.  I implore him- "Is there anything other than these mind-altering medications that I can use, so that my husband doesn't have to take more time off??"

He regretfully tells me that, unfortunately, these are the only things that will help the spasms to subside and that I need to take them religiously in order to help alleviate the pain.   He closes our session with the obligatory,

 "...and remember, do not operate heavy machinery, use sharp knives, drive, or be alone with  your kids while on this stuff, okay?"

I ponder a smart-ass response to the effect of, "Well, there goes my shot at winning the zucchini-chopping contest while driving a backhoe with my daughter later on today..."

But the muscle relaxer that I just took an hour ago has suddenly made me hazy & sluggish again, and he is lucky that I am able to mutter a dopey "Uhhh-huh."

And so here I sit typing this, heating pad at full-throttle on my back and my third round of meds (hopefully) kicking in soon....a very stressed out hubby worried about work...and a house that's been turned upside-down in a matter of 48 hours.

In conclusion...life could definitely be better right now. Much better.