How NOT to win 'Mom of the Year" award:

You know it's been a bad week when:

Yup, that's right folks...2 kiddos, 2 bottles of amoxicillin. Let me back up a little bit and fill you in on how we reached this point.

Ava's been sick all week...the cough, the gagging, the vomiting, the wheezing, the breathing treatments, and so on. She's been so sick, so needy, that this little guy

got inadvertently put on the back burner. And by "back burner," I just mean that my mind wasn't open to the possibility that he wasn't feeling good either after a few whiny days & rough nights. (I should also mention that he's been more whiny lately because of his bottom teeth popping through, so I have been quick to attribute any changes in his temprament to this.) It actually wasn't until last night- when he slept MAYBE 2 hours all night long, and screamed/cried the rest-- that I began to wonder if some other culprit could be to blame. But since he's never, ever had a sleepless night of this caliber, I kept positive and just assumed that it was one of two things: 1) a fluke, sleepless night (hey, after 7 months of sleeping perfection, he's entitled to a night off!) or 2). maybe he'd finally caught the cold that his big sister's been fighting, and he just wasn't feeling great because of it.

Well... fast forward to this morning:

Six am, and I am running on less than fumes, if that is possible. Between Aves & Gav, Jeff & I have been up all night and neither of us can see straight. Jeff leaves for work, and I am left in a haze with a sad, sicky girl and a questionably "not feeling so hot" baby boy. The three of us hang out, eat some breakfast, and by 11 in the morning, Gav is beyond exhausted. "Good," I think, "He'll finally sleep, since he didn't sleep at ALL last night and has been up since five AM!"
So into his room we go, just the two of us and his nice warm bubby. I pull the shades like I do every day before his nap. His diaper is dry, his jammies are cozy, and after about ten minutes, his bottle is empty and his belly is full or yummy, warm milk. He should be ready to go down at this point, but given that he's not feeling great, I indulge him (and myself) in an extra fifteen minutes of rocking together in the glider. Once he is fast asleep- as evident by the fly-catching, wide-open mouth that is drooling on my shoulder as he snores-- I perform the ritualistic saunter up from the glider and walk across the room to his crib, moving at the pace of an elderly sloth, as not to wake him. I even rock him in my arms for another few minutes before attempting "the release."
And that's when it happened; as I leaned my body over the crib to place him down, the MOMENT he transferred from the (somewhat) vertical position in which I was holding him to the horizontal, laying down position in the crib, he screamed.
SCREAMED louder than I've ever heard from his little voice in 7 months now. A painful, sad scream, and immediate eyes wide open.
And I knew it in that second, as I scooped him up to snuggle him again: Ear infection.
There was no doubt in my mind, (especially after living through years of them with Ava,) that this is what we were dealing with here. As he whimpered there in my arms, tears rolling off his little cheeks as he attempted to get comfy again, I immediately felt like the biggest jerk that has ever existed. My heart ached and my eyes started to well up with the warm, salty tears of maternal failure. I had failed him, plain and simple. At just 7 months old he'd been giving me signs all week, and I was too consumed with Ava's medical needs that I never even noticed. And so, similar to the last five minutes of The Usual Suspects, bits & pieces of the past few days of Gav's life began to flash before my eyes, and it all came together. The fact that he started with cold-like symptoms of runny nose & sneezing that never ceased; the fact that he's been banging/tugging on and around his left ear for a few days now; the fact that, despite him being a phenomenal sleeper, he didn't sleep at ALL last night; and perhaps the most tell-tale sign of all, today's screaming upon trying to lay him flat.
Ughhh. What a bad, bad Mommy I suddenly felt like. What kind of Mom doesn't know her own baby has his FIRST ear infection!? Apparently, this kind.
I felt bad for Gav that I'd been inadvertently neglectful of his needs to tend to Ave's all week long...and as I rocked there with him in his room for another hour, I felt tremendous guilt that I told Ava over an hour ago that I'd be "....right back out to watch a Barbie movie (with her) in just a few minutes, after I put Gav down for his nappy..." 


Ultimately, I suppose today was a good reminder that I am only human, and despite my fervent attempts at being 110% there for both kiddos at ALL times, it comes down to simple math: One of me, two of them. Therefore, inevitably situations will arise when one child is going to need more- time, attention, resources, etc... And by default, the other will lack because of it. I just feel so sad that poor Gav had to deal with a throbbing, painful ear to teach me this lesson. In the meantime, all I can do is try harder at this whole dividing my time and energy thing, and hope that I get better with time and practice. (Oh, and maybe contemplate relocating to a warmer climate where sickness & ear infections are a rarity... that too.)

In conclusion, as I sit here typing this, my dark, quiet, candle-lit household now claims 2 sick kiddos and 2 beyond exhausted parents.  My fridge and medicine cabinet could easily rival any Rite-Aid or Target pharmacy at this point.  From the baby monitor, we hear sporadic bouts of 2 kiddos snoring, both coughing juicy coughs, and sniffling here and there. Gav, whose first dose of antibiotic hasn't kicked in yet, is fast asleep in his car-seat since laying flat is still too painful for his poor little eardrum. And Aves, snuggled in her bed, (still with the infamous blue bucket at her side just in case tonight's 3am coughing fit results in projectile vomit again,) is most likely dreaming about the Valentine's day party at school tomorrow that she may or may not attend, depending on how she's doing in the morning. To say that this week has been a "bad one" could possibly be the understatement of the decade...but with 2 kids finally on appropriate meds and tomorrow being Friday, I'd say things (BETTER!) start looking up soon.